Tuesday, September 30, 2008

poetic memory

the brain appears to possess a special area which we might call poetic memory & which records everything that charms or touches us, that makes our lives beautiful.
-milan kundera, the unbearable lightness of being

Hard to find quiet moments to post...

I know its been a while since I lasted posted. I have so many things running threw my head.

Its so hard to find quiet moments I can just write what I want.

First I would like to say it is very important you marry your best friend. I love my husband more and more everyday. He is just a different person these days. He prays... he lifts me up when he doesn't even know it. Besides that he tells me a zillion times that he loves me. Tops it off with how pretty I am ( we know that's a lie). What a amazing man he is. Just for putting up with me alone should give him HUGE Kudos. I'm so glad God blessed me with him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEORGIA... My dog is 4 yrs old today. Yea...

but she did crap in my floor in the middle of the night a few nights ago and that really made me mad.

My babies are growing up so fast and strong. I enjoy them each and everyday. Its been a long 3 1/2 months of getting to know each other but in the end .. I'M HOOKED on them.

Watching them smile ..just melts my heart. Make it all worth it. I use to think...." WHAT DID I DO???" But not anymore. I just feel so blessed and loved each and every day they are here.

My life was never complete with out them.

Tristan is the little sunshine of my day. At 8 yrs old he is super handsome and really sweet. He just takes my breathe away each time I see him. His loving touch is the ray of light on my day.
One day I hope he will know that for every time he tells me he loves me and still lets me pet on him.... is another moment he keeps me from deep depression.
I have a picture of him on this post. He got my camera phone and took a picture of his self. I LOVE IT! Its almost as if he is looking in on me and smiling.
The older I get the harder I find it to stay in focus with friendships. I am either just bored with someone, just do not click, out of touch or just plain do not like someone after a while.
I find it hard to carry a on going conversation. I'm just in a different world ... I guess.
Once again, glad I married my best friend.
My stress level is up ....big time.
Headaches are back in full effect and I can't stay with a clear thought. It bugs me...
If I start to think about the way I look, I get really depressed.
I have to work on that BIG TIME! I would love to be a different looking person by next summer. I believe I can do it too.
My parents are flying to Tampa this week. They are going deep sea fishing, and swim with dolphins. What part of this crushes me is ...we barely speak. They have nothing to do with my kids and me. They will not come here for a visit. But will go on vacation and say they do not have the money to travel here. They poor mouth everything and drive BMW's and have every toy known to man. We don't even rank in the top 10 of their lives on this earth.
No matter how much I don't want it to effect me.. it crushes me. I feel no love from them at all.
It wouldn't matter if we never spoke at all ...ever again.
I'm so done.... they will be lonely old people in a old folks home. FOR REAL with NO VISITORS!
My sister is a crack whore that lives with her PIMP. How the heck did I turn out half way normal. Okay people I said HALF WAY for real.
Im getting direct tv today...wooo hoooo no more comporium.