Sunday, December 07, 2008

I hope you know....

I blinked my eyes and a year flew by. Do I remind myself of how much I suffered or believe in the blessings I have in front of me? I use to dwell on the suffering...and now I remind myself each day that I AM SO BLESSED! Blessed not only by my wonderful healthy twins, but my daughter Shelby and my son Tristan. They are each so special to me. Smart...healthy and sweethearts. Okay sometimes a little rough around the edges but still my sweethearts.

I look back and wonder how the last six months went by so fast. I look back at pictures and regret not taking more of the babies. I feel bad I am not in any pictures. I hope my babies know that I cuddled and kissed them each day a million times. I hope they remember my sweet voice saying " Its okay .. Mommies here". No proof they even have a mother if you look back at the memories we have of them. Maybe I hide from the camera on purpose hoping no one will remember me this FAT. But I bet my children don't mind my size...just the size of my LOVE.

I am ashamed of my looks and how I let myself go. But I wish I didn't care and could have had a few pictures taken of me holding the babies when they were Tiny. I missed out on those pictures because of the way I felt. If I could only get that time back again.
I wonder if I didn't do enough, now that they are six months old. We do not have a video camera. So I did not record them. I do have a camera phone and just now figured out how to get video's off and put them on my computer. But still I feel like I missed out on so much. Those first few months I barely got to rest and my mind was fuzzy. I wish I could have done so many things and I just didn't.

I hope you know..... HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! even if the pictures aren't there to show you ...