Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Can not seem to pick myself up out of UGLY....


A long time ago, I believe I was pretty. Never super skinny, but a normal size. I had self confidence and a passion for life and those around me. Now I feel as if I can't seem to pick myself up out of ugly. Yes you read that correctly. U_G_L_Y Besides the fact that just having given birth to twins 3 months ago... I still have the reflection in the mirror that makes my own skin crawl. I hold my head down low and never want to look anyone in the eyes. I bring my own self down as well as those around me. I hate that! My husband gained weight. I know he is depressed. My teenage daughter is over weight as well. She seems to be the only one OKAY with it. I don't see there being any hope for me. Maybe I am just too far gone. I had a coworker say to me " that looks like your daughter". She was looking at my drivers license from just 3 yrs ago. WHAT? Am I that butt ass ugly now? I must be... because that didn't make me feel good about myself. Im gross and I know it. I find it hard with a house, 4 kids and a husband ...not to mention twin babies and a part time job. To find time to work out or work on myself. I tend to come dead last. I color my hair to cover the gray. I keep a fairly neat house....and I try my best to take the best possible care of all of my family. But I just can't seem to fit " ME" into 24 hours in my day. Will that ever change? It would be easier to stop eating then it would be to go to the gym. I am ashamed and embarrassed that I look like this. ughhhh Im only 34, life can not be over.
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5 comments:

Becki Stone said...

Mary Anne!!!!! First and foremost you are not ugly! Secondly if you want to lose weight it is never too late. No it is not easy- and honestly it will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. You know I am here to help you. Let's get started on a simple calorie count diet. I have found that is the easiest and most effective way to lose weight. Girl I may be hundreds of miles away from you, BUT I'm here for you and we can so do this. You are beautiful inside and out.

•°o.O.Maryanne.O.o°• said...

I wish I was pretty again. I make myself sick when I see my reflection in a mirror or a window. ughhhh I seriously let myself go.

Stacy said...

I completely feel your pain. I do. I used to think I was beautiful, now I can't look in the mirror with out seeing the dunlop over the c-section. Gross! Your twins are gorgeous!!!

twinmama said...

I am so sorry that you are feeling bad. I understand how it feels to have twins and then feel like you never have time to work on yourself. You absolutely have to get some "ME" time. Sit down with your family and tell them you are going to get a massage or go meet a friend for a cup of coffee. Try to let go of the negative feelings you have toward yourself and remember that you created 4 beautiful children and they got their beauty from somewhere...you! Get yourself a jogger and start walking the twins around your neighborhood or schedule a couple of hours a week to go to the gym to release some stress. (Put your teenager to work while you are gone taking care of your little ones.) :)

Best wishes to you. I hope you feel better about yourself soon.

Heather said...

I just found your blog today (we are both followers of Southern Plate), and may I say that there is *no* way I would have pegged you for 34. In your 20's, I'd guess, maybe almost 30. You are beautiful, and you seem like a great mother to your children. I'm 26 with no kids and you look better than me!