Friday, December 26, 2008

Random thoughts that dance threw my head

Christmas sucks every year. I never get anything from my husband or kids. He never sits down with them to even make me a card. I should be use to it now going on 11 -12 yrs right? Nope it still bothers me.

My husband and I fought a lot on Christmas, so that was bad too. He just crawled under my skin about everything. Being rude...every chance he got. He went to his parents house. Dropped his babies off at the door and went in the back and went to sleep. Guess who was at home cleaning... ME! No one offered to help either. Merry Christmas to me once again!

My kids are ungrateful. That act like its NEVER ENOUGH and that BOTHERS me to the Core! ughhhh Make me hate holidays! Really it does!

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like the straight man walking into a GAY bar ( picture it in a 80's movie way). That's what I feel like when I am around the stepford wives. They all dress alike, talk alike and rich as hell. Talk about out of place. Every time I am in a group setting of " Playgroups" or " certain meetings" that is the way I feel. I can't not and will not ever fit in. I do not have a nanny that takes care of my kids. I did not marry the rich man with a mansion. SO I just want to say.... that will never be me for many reasons. In those situations ..guess what? I GET REALLY QUIET! I know that's a shocker right?

So I joined Facebook, shocker right? So I am connect with all my OLD gang. Ones from Middle school all the way up to high school. BUT just one.. ONE of my friends won't accept me to be her friend on facebook. I noticed everyone else got her to accept them as friends. One of them even told her to accept me. Nothing... not one peep from her. Not like my life is over not speaking to her after all of these years. ALMOST 20 yrs.. YIKES! But needless to say it bothers me!

After my last post on my blog, we all know I am broken. Broken in many ways...

Now I keep getting asked, whats wrong? I would love to invite those people to read my blog, so that i don't have to explain it a million times. But then again, do I really want them knowing where I write all my deep dark thoughts? NOooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Then they might read about them one day. Not good .. not good. So if you don't know about my blog, I will keep it to myself. Note: When someone is broken, they are not going to just open up to any stranger / Friend and tell them what is wrong. I don't trust ANYONE! So there for I am not close with ANYONE! I will not be telling you that kind of stuff.

Back to the title of my BLOG NO ONE to TELL. No one to trust to tell either.

So my grandmother has all but given up on life. After my uncle died 6mo ago.. it has been hard on her. The loss of a child can be hard on anyone. It has taken my grandmother down to " No will to live". Soooo next Wed. I will brave the highways from here in Charlotte...all the way to ATHENS ALABAMA. I love that women... I love her like a mother. I love her more than anyone really. She saved me from my hell many times..with her loving touch... her sweet treats..and her wisdom. Not to mention a sprinkle of stories while sitting on her porch swing in the summer time. When she wants you to come to lunch and sit on the porch.... you know your in for a treat.

She is my everything... my link to the past, my link to who I am and will be. To loose her will KILL ME! I will not miss a chance to see her. NEVER! No matter how much money we do not have... I will do ALL I can to make it there. If for nothing else.. a kiss and a hug.

I want everyone to know how much I love this women. I wish I could call her more, see her more and just be near her MORE! man.. im sad when she isn't feeling good. this stinks!

I am so fat! Have I mentioned how much that bothers me? IT DOES! I went from FAT ( before my twins) to really really really nasty FAT now.

ughhhhh kills me.

Okay I think im done with my random thoughts after Christmas.


1 comment:

Becki Stone said...

Oh honey first of all I'm sorry you didn't have a good Christmas! I'm hurting for you :( I wish we lived closer- oh you have no idea how much I wish that. Even little things like going grocery shopping we could get away from it all and go grocery shopping!! Hang in there and you know I'm not behind you...I'm right beside you in this crazy thing we call life! I love you!