Thursday, November 06, 2008

I need you to be....

When I saw this today on one of the blogs I follow.. I thought.. WOW... that so speaks to me.
Do you ever just come across things that speak worlds to you? I use to go to this church in Athens, AL. Every Sunday God spoke to me. I could go in there with any question heavy on my mind, and the preacher would start talking about it. I would be amazed. I love that place. I let my harsh feelings out in tears each time I entered those doors. It was all good at that church until that made me feel like I never gave enough ... $$$$$ It was all about MONEY! Now why did they go and mess it up for me like that? ughhh Never went back. But I did get a lot out of it when I did go.

Back to this picture.. Man... this is what Brian says to me. I need you not to be sad. Its hard to explain how depression can take over everything. Its not just one thing that makes you crash. Its the whole world around you. You break apart little by little until there is nothing left but SAD! Who will pick me up when I hit rock bottom? Or am I just sitting at the bottom of my PIT of sorrow and failure?

Did you end become all you wanted to be? Did life turn out the way you wanted it to? Is anyone out there really HAPPY with life?

Can you remember my smile? My laugh? Can you remember me the way I use to be?
Before my body got huge, before my emotions took over? Before I came in LAST PLACE? Before I lost all hope and zest for life?
I wonder if that's what Brian holds on to.... a memory! Because I am a empty shell of nothingness. I no longer hope or dream... I no longer want more or less. I just exist to live another day doing the same thing over and over. My boring life ...a nanny, a housemaid, a admin. asst working on invoices.

For one more day, remember me the way I use to be and not what I have become.

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